Wisdom I know is social. She seeks her fellows. But Beauty is jealous, and illy bears the presence of a rival.
Thomas Jefferson

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.
Marilyn Monroe

The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any.
Marilyn Monroe

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Mark Twain

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
Mark Twain

In wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.
Winston Churchill

Nature cannot be tricked or cheated. She will give up to you the object of your struggles only after you have paid her price.
Napoleon Hill

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin

Hear reason, or she'll make you feel her.
Benjamin Franklin

She laughs at everything you say. Why? Because she has fine teeth.
Benjamin Franklin

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest."
Bill Cosby

If a woman possesses manly virtues one should run away from her; and if she does not possess them she runs away from herself.
Friedrich Nietzsche

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
Ogden Nash

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields

There was never yet fair woman but she made mouths in a glass.
William Shakespeare

Well, if Fortune be a woman, she's a good wench for this gear.
William Shakespeare