I'm a lucky guy and I'm happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.
Yogi Berra

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin

At home I am a nice guy: but I don't want the world to know. Humble people, I've found, don't get very far.
Muhammad Ali

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'
Steven Wright

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Mitch Hedberg

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
Mitch Hedberg

I am like Howard Beale. When he came out of the rain and he was like, none of this makes any sense. I am that guy.
Glenn Beck

I've never run into a guy who could win at the top level in anything today and didn't have the right attitude, didn't give it everything he had, at least while he was doing it; wasn't prepared and didn't have the whole program worked out.
Ted Turner

Recently I heard a 'wise guy' story that I had a party at my home for twenty-five men. It's an interesting story, but I don't know twenty-five men I'd want to invite ta a party.
Joan Crawford

Back 12 years ago, when Dr. Mathews was president here, we had a plan that when I got ready to quit, we'd bring a certain guy in and he'd take over that day and I'd leave. But as time wore on, I realized that wouldn't have been good at all.
Bear Bryant

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.
Wilson Mizner

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
Woody Allen

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
Henny Youngman

Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
Rita Rudner

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Rita Rudner

Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat.
Jean-Paul Sartre