Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you.
Muhammad Ali

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
Steven Wright

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
Steven Wright

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright

Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Erma Bombeck

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
Erma Bombeck

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
Erma Bombeck

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Mitch Hedberg

Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.
Brian Tracy

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
Hunter S. Thompson

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
Rodney Dangerfield