Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
Ogden Nash

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
Ogden Nash

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
Ogden Nash

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Ogden Nash

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
Ogden Nash

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Ogden Nash

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
Ogden Nash

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Ogden Nash

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
Ogden Nash

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
Ogden Nash

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
Ogden Nash

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
Ogden Nash

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
Ogden Nash

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
Ogden Nash

The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat.
Ogden Nash

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.
Ogden Nash

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash

Too clever is dumb.
Ogden Nash