Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
Jeff Foxworthy

Family, Feeling, Start

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy

Might, Redneck, Side

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Jeff Foxworthy

Book, Down, Might

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.
Jeff Foxworthy

Home, Family, God

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy

Home, Might, Redneck

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
Jeff Foxworthy

Education, May, Redneck

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
Jeff Foxworthy

Life, Love, Work

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
Jeff Foxworthy

Job, Wrong, Off

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Jeff Foxworthy

May, Goal, Stand

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.
Jeff Foxworthy

Everything, Words, Brain

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
Jeff Foxworthy

Great, Hear, Phone

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
Jeff Foxworthy

Pretty, Getting, Sure

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
Jeff Foxworthy

Someone, Else, Ugly

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
Jeff Foxworthy

Jealousy, Dad, Jealous

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy

Working, Might, Redneck

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
Jeff Foxworthy

Love, Four, Clothes

There's no down time any more.
Jeff Foxworthy

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
Jeff Foxworthy

Wanted, Used, Heard

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Jeff Foxworthy

Happy, Nobody, Mama

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy

Change, Made, Might

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.
Jeff Foxworthy

Jesus, Off, Fishing

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
Jeff Foxworthy

Life, Family, Time

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.
Jeff Foxworthy

Between, York, Million

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
Jeff Foxworthy

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
Jeff Foxworthy

Tell, Stuff, Therapist

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Biography

Nationality: American

Born: September 6, 1958

Links

Find on Amazon: Jeff Foxworthy

Cite this Page: Citation

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