Groucho Marx Quotes

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx

Woman, Pleasure, Smoke

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx

Understand, Find, Why

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Groucho Marx

Relationship, Unhappy, Relatives

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Groucho Marx

Another, Horse, Marry

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Groucho Marx

Marriage, Politics, Strange

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

Care, Accept, Please

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx

Judge, Poor, Whoever

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Groucho Marx

Side, Closer, Held

Go, and never darken my towels again.
Groucho Marx

Again, Darken, Towels

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx

Music, Justice, Military

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Groucho Marx

Away, Keep, Hollywood

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx

Dead, Either, Watch

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
Groucho Marx

Care, Done, Why

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Groucho Marx

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Groucho Marx

Room service? Send up a larger room.
Groucho Marx

Service, Room, Larger

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Groucho Marx

Enough, Dance, Wives

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
Groucho Marx

Wish, Shall, Written

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Groucho Marx

Mind, Book, Write

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx

Mother, Children, She

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Biography

Nationality: American

Born: October 2, 1895

Died: August 19, 1977

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